Dear Sakura
by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
amazonessduo@hotmail.com
pearsong1954@yahoo.com

In the garden, Sakura sat on the stone bench and gazed up into the
night sky. She was ineffably happy, but couldn't stop crying. At last
she understood. The auburn-haired woman loved Tomoyo more than anyone
in the world. She always loved her, but never knew. So many things
finally made sense: embarrassed feelings around her adoring friend,
the tortured longings suffered since arriving in Hong Kong, and the
sheer joy of seeing the lavender-haired woman again. And then, there
was the kiss that filled her soul with fire and light. No, kisses,
she thought blushingly. Tomoyo kissing her on this very spot, and
Sakura kissing the lovely girl as they danced. Kisses. She touched
her lips with trembling fingers. When they kissed the world melted
away, leaving only the two of them. Opening her eyes, Sakura felt a
crimson blush creep up her neck, coloring her delicate cheek. I want
to kiss her again, she thought. Again, and again, and again.

Most people lucky enough to realize their true love begin to
consider how their feelings fit into the complex calculus of human
relations. They worry about other lovers, wives or husbands, jobs and
money, threats and opportunities. Had Sakura considered all this, it
might have shaken her gentle, genki spirit. She was married and far
away from her true love. Tomoyo, she thought, was in love with
someone else entirely, traveling a path that took her further and
further away. Were she to cast a cold, clear eye on the situation,
her trickling tears of happiness might quickly become a river of
grief and regret. But Sakura's greatest power, that everything would
be all right, was no mere facade, or posture, or consolation. It was
who she was. So, sitting on the bench she felt joy and elation, not
worry and fear. Only knowing the agony that Tomoyo was even then
enduring might have shaken the heart of the little Cardmistress. But
of that pain, she was unaware, save for the dim echoes of a distant
dream. For Sakura true love, once unlocked, was a source of utter
bliss.

She stayed in that spot for hours, as if some magic lingered from
her discovery of love. She marveled that in all those years with
Tomoyo it had never occurred to her before. She shook her head and
smiled, feeling slightly foolish, as she always did when something
simple that had eluded her finally came clear. But for all that, it
was she who had finally realized her own feelings. How strange that
the love in her heart was so different from what she and everyone
else had thought her love should be. Her friends had nudged her in
the direction of Syaoran, and she had accepted the rightness of their
wisdom. Not that she blamed them. If fault there was it was hers, for
not knowing what she should have known in the first place. And she
did like Syaoran; loved him, even. But it was more like the love felt
for a friend. Her love for Tomoyo was unique, unlike anything else in
her life. No joy or happiness could compare to the exquisite
sweetness of this realization. And Sakura felt a tiny light of pride
that she herself had come to understand what no one else did. But
then, she really owed this new found knowledge to Dark and Light-
sama's insistence that only she could solve the riddle of her
feelings. Remembering this, she felt a sickening shame for arrogantly
demanding they reveal her true feelings. Glancing up at the stars
dotting the velvet sky, she sensed for the very first time the dread
burden of her distant ancestor, Clow Reed. A burden she now shared.

By capturing and transmuting the Cards, Sakura possessed an
incalculable power. Confronting Light and Dark, she had threatened
the use of that power to cow the will of another. She came perilously
close to forcing the beautiful but haughty Light sama to do her
bidding. Even then, poised on the brink, she sensed the unease and
fear that her power commanded. What would have happened had Dark-sama
not intervened? Here was the night's second realization, but it felt
very different form the joy of discovering her true love. Gazing at
the garden, Sakura watched the beautiful plants and flowers
shimmering in the moonlight. Once she had complimented her father on
his garden, and asked him how he made the plants so pretty. Smiling,
he told her that he couldn't make them do anything, and would only
hurt them if he tried, 

"They want to grow and be lovely all by themselves. I just have to
be here and help them do what they want." As with flowers, so with
magic. Sakura swore never again to use her power to dominate another
will. She vaguely sensed where this dark path would lead, and the
realization chilled her. Closing her eyes, she vowed never again to
take a single step along so frightful a path. In fact, she would
start by apologizing again to Dark and Light-sama, thanking them for
allowing her to make her own discovery of love.

When she had returned to the room and summoned them forth, Dark and
Light regarded her stumbling apologies with smiling grace. Finally,
Light spoke up in a glowing voice that lit Tomoyo's guestroom,
"Sakura-chan has learned two wonderful things tonight! Remember this
lesson, but do not allow it to dim your bright spirit."

Gently brushing back Sakura's hair, much as a mother would do, the
glimmering woman kissed her softly on the cheek. Sakura blushed and
glowed, and Dark-sama tittered merrily behind her hand. In a
whispering voice the shadowy beauty asked the little Cardmistress,
"Now that you know of your love for Tomoyo-chan, what are you going
to tell her?"

Sakura looked thoughtful and then shook her head. With a radiant
smile she replied, "I don't really know. I want to tell her. Aiyaaa,
I have to tell her! I couldn't keep something like this a secret. But
I don't want to do it over the phone, or in a letter. I don't know
when she is coming back to Hong Kong . Oh, oh, maybe I could go back
home for a visit, back to Tomoeda, I mean. I really miss my family,
and was hoping to visit for Christmas, anyway. I could tell her
then!" 

Sakura remembered all the wonderful Christmases of the past. She
remembered decorating the tree, perched precariously on a ladder as
her pink-robed friend plugged in the lights. The tree blazed forth a
rainbow of light, bathing the girls in multicolored hues as they
snuggled together and sipped hot cocoa. She remembered hearing
Tomoyo's beautiful voice in the Christmas Concerts, sweet and strong.
Though Tomoyo said she sang for the one she loved, everyone shared in
the blessing of hearing her glorious voice. Finally, Sakura thought
of all the delightful presents the dark-haired girl had given her.
Each was carefully chosen, an offering of love from her very best
friend, brightly wrapped with beautiful paper, skillfully tied up
with satiny bows and ribbons.  

"This will be my Christmas present to her," Sakura said happily, "so
she knows that someone loves her more than anyone else in the world."
She blushed as she thought of the two of them under the mistletoe.
She longed to kiss Tomoyo, and caught her breath at the memory of
those petal-soft lips. Opening her eyes, Sakura felt a crimson flush
of embarrassment blending with her blushing desire, and smiled
sheepishly as Dark and Light laughed and smiled. 

The three talked long into the night, Sakura gaily recounting her
adventures with Tomoyo while the two regal women listened and giggled
like little girls, their hearts thrilled at the sheer joy of their
Mistress' discovery. Finally, after recounting the wonderful night
she dined and danced with her friend on the eve of her departure,
Sakura jumped up in a burst of inspiration. Chanting the words of
power, she summoned forth Flower, who appeared amidst a burst of
scented blossoms. Grinning, Sakura bowed low, and Flower graciously
accepted the offer to dance. 

The two swirled about the guest room, magically expanded to a dance
floor that stretched to infinity. Holding Flower close, Sakura cried,
half in joy and half in longing, remembering the pale girl nestled in
her arms. In memory was pain and promise, a world that lingered in
her heart. Sakura's tears dotted the air like sparkling diamonds.
Tomoyo was far away, yet with her still, and ever would be. As she
danced, Sakura felt the delicate softness of Flower's supple body
underneath the taffeta frills of her elaborate costume. She ached to
hold her pale friend close, to kiss her and caress her and unlock all
of Love’s secrets. She yearned for Tomoyo, for that perfect intimacy
they shared when they were together. She loved Tomoyo beyond words,
thought, and life itself. As she hugged Flower tightly, the sweet
pain of separation tore at her heart. Twirling in a storm of petals,
Sakura danced to remember, and to forget, and for the sheer joy of
music and motion. She caught the eyes of her partner, and they
shimmered like the trembling dew that clings to a rose in early morn.
Suddenly, a wave of love crashed over Sakua, drowning her as she
cried for a woman far across the sea. 

"Tomoyo-chan," she sobbed, over and over, "Tomoyo-chan, Tomoyo-
chan." The ecstasy and pain of a longing heart was hers at last.
Sakura wept until Dark-sama gently caressed her brow and brought the
peace of sleep. She slumbered dreamily on the silken quilt that had
graced her beloved friend. The three women stood around their
Mistress, watching over her, and smiling through their magical
tears.  

Sakura awoke entangled in dreams, slow to realize just where she
was. Catching the faint, lingering scent of Tomoyo, she blushingly
realized the place she had slept. Smiling, she stretched and rose,
looking out the window into the bright light of day. It's so late,
she thought with a start, and then remembered with relief that it was
Saturday. Her mind wandered to the night before, to her wonderful
discovery, and the delightful night with Dark-sama, Light-sama, and
Flower. As the luscious ache of love gripped her again, she felt
unbearably happy and unbearably sad. Hugging herself tightly, she
whispered the name, "Tomoyo-chan", just to hear the sound of it.
Smiling, she sang to herself, "The mail should have come by now.
Maybe there's a letter!" 

Jumping up, she raced down the hallway and saw white envelopes
stuffed in the little whicker basket. Excitedly rifling through them,
she recognized with joy and delight the creamy color that marked
Tomoyo's letters. With trembling hands she opened it, eager to hear
the voice of her friend within. Too thrilled to wait, she began
reading where she stood. But one word changed her blithe happiness to
a terrible uncertainty: goodbye.  She read it over and over, but
could not comprehend. Goodbye. She stared at the paper, as if it was
written in some indecipherable language: "Sakura-chan, I'm very
sorry, but I'll be going away soon. ...Goodbye, Sakura-chan."
Finally, the meaning wound it's way to her heart, and she dropped to
the floor, stunned. 

On her knees she closed her eyes and whispered shakily, "No." Tomoyo
was leaving her, forever. She wanted to scream, but so deep was the
shock that she could only whimper. Her body tensed as a spasm of
terror shook her. Goodbye. Desolation welled up within, and her
vision grayed and narrowed, as if she were falling into a long, dark
tunnel. She teetered on the brink of fainting, but was suddenly drawn
back. Clenching her fists, a determined heart pounding in her chest,
she whispered again, but this time in a firm and steely voice,

"No."

She stood up, swaying and unsteady, gripping the armoire for
support. Seeing the nearby phone, she walked over and dialed a number
she knew by heart. A woman's voice answered,

"Daidouji residence, may I help you?"

Sakura's voice was precise and even, "Is Daidouji Tomoyo home?"

"No, Ma'am, she is out. May I take a message for her when she
returns?"

Sakura lowered the phone, which disconnected with a click. She
hesitated but a second, and then called the airport, booking the
first flight to Tokyo. Then she called her brother, and after the
briefest hello requested a ride. He was too startled to tease her,
let alone ask what was going on. After she confirmed her flight and
time, he scowled after she hung up with a curt goodbye. The final
call was for a taxi, which would arrive in a few minutes. Sprinting
to her room, she threw a few things into her duffle bag from school,
and began to rush out. But her eyes fell on the half-finished costume
Tomoyo had left, and impulsively she grabbed it and placed it gently
in the bag. The brassy honking of a car echoed down the hallway as
she ran. One of the maids stood in a doorway and gaped as she flew
by. With a sudden stop, she pivoted and ran back to the startled
girl. Sakura realized with embarrassment that she had forgotten her
name. With a smile she bowed and said all in a rush, 

"Please tell Ieran-sama I had to fly to Japan. I'll call when I
arrive. Thank you!"

With that, she burst out the door to the waiting taxi, leaving the
speechless maid behind.