Dear Sakura by Amazoness Duo and G.P. amazonessduo@hotmail.com pearsong1954@yahoo.com Sakura smiled at her brother as he drove in front of the Daidouji mansion. The young woman nervously gathered up her purse and a bag with the newly finished costume inside. Her brother eyed her carefully and asked, “You have my cell phone number?” She nodded, and he answered in his big-brother-casual voice, “Call me when you need a ride back. Or for whatever. I took the day off” Sensing her mood, his voice softened and he spoke quietly, “Don’t be so worried. I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you. And tell her I say hello.” Sakura seemed ready to cry, but instead leaned over and wrapped her arms around him. He squeezed back as she whispered, “Thank you”, and slipped out the door without looking back. He watched her run up to the gate, his eternal little sister. Driving there in the car he almost told her about Tomoyo's love. But Sakura loved surprises, and this figured to be the biggest one in her life. Besides, Tomoyo had waited all these years, so she should be the one to tell. He shook his head as he drove away, secretly thrilled that his sister had finally found love. Sakura’s hand shook as she rang the buzzer of the intercom. The last time she felt so nervous was the wedding. Tomoyo was there, too, guiding her every step of the way, consoling and calming, a mother and sister and confidante. But this was something she would have to do on her own. She was thrilled, excited, and scared to death. What would Tomoyo say? Would she be embarrassed, or amused, or upset? Tomoyo would never say or do anything to hurt her. But she worried that this revelation might be bothersome for her friend, who would bear her feelings in silence as she had born the pain of her special someone for years. Maybe there was no place for Sakura’s love in her heart. The pale woman already had her special someone, and Sakura could no more take the place of that person than anyone could replace Tomoyo in her own heart. Sakura sighed and shook her head, and then was startled by a voice bursting from the intercom, “Daidouji residence”. Sakura recovered from her surprise and answered, “Oh, hello, yes, I’m sorry. This is Kinomoto Sakura. I’m here to see Tomoyo-chan, I mean, Daidouji Tomoyo”. During the lengthy pause her thoughts returned to Tomoyo. Since realizing her love for the beautiful woman, Sakura had slowly determined what to do. She would tell Tomoyo of her love. She could no more keep that a secret than she could stop breathing. Just last night on the phone she nearly blurted out, “Tomoyo-chan, I love you!” So she had to tell her. But what then? If Tomoyo-chan’s special someone would not have her, well... Well what? Well, she thought, distracted at her own uncertainty, she can have me. A surge of determination rippled through her body as she clenched her fists.. I may not be her True Love, but at least I love her. I can be with her, and make her as happy as I can. It’s the least I can do, after all she’s done for me. And after what I did to her. Sakura felt heartsick about the way she had ignored her friend for all those years. She could not change the past, but she could be a loving part of Tomoyo’s future. She smiled and whispered to herself, “I’ll live my life for her, if she’ll have me”. Finally, the intercom spoke up in a metallic, somewhat officious voice, “You may enter”. As the buzzer sounded, she pushed the gate open and walked onto the grounds of the mansion. There were so many memories that lingered here, but she was too caught up by the thrill of being close to Tomoyo to feel them. The pathway seemed terribly long, and Sakura’s excitement mounted with every step. It was as if her entire life had led up to this one point, to three simple words: I love you. Near the end of the walkway she was running, desperate to close the last remaining distance between her and the woman she loved. Sakura wanted to hold the lavender-haired beauty in her arms, to comfort and be comforted. Nearing the door, she felt a wave of delirious happiness as she dashed forward in a final burst of speed. Nothing mattered but Tomoyo; not the past, or the future, not her failed marriage or the magic or even life itself. Catching her breath, she knocked excitedly on the door, her heart flooded with a giddy mix of joy, anticipation, and desire. When the door opend she let out a curious little yelp, and nearly flew into the arms of a waiting Sonomi. At the last second she pulled back, nearly tumbling backwards. Still staggering, she grinned sheepishly, bowing low and apologizing, “Gomenesai, Sonomi-sama. I, I thought you were Tomoyo-chan. Ohayo. Ohayogozaimasu”. Sakura looked up cheerfully and saw Sonomi regarding her with quiet reserve. For the longest time she was silent as Sakura stood and smiled. Finally, the woman bowed politely and spoke in a flat tone of voice, “Come in”. Sakura entered, feeling a warm glow at the sight of Tomoyo’s gorgeous mother. She remembered their delightful talks about life at school, her friendship with Tomoyo, and her own mother. She was a supurb cook, and delighted in having the daughter of Nadeshiko over for luncheons and dinners. Sakura always felt a maternal love and concern from Sonomi that wrapped her like a blanket, happy and snug. With an odd pang, she thought how lucky Tomoyo was to have had such a wonderful mother. Sonomi indicated a seat, and they both sat down. Smoothing her skirt, Sakura glanced at her host, wondering why she was so silent. Nervously, the young woman peeked at her watch and looked up, smiling and speaking anxiously, “I’m sorry. I hope I’m not too early?” Sonomi glared in righteous anger at the Cardmistress. Finally, the older woman broke the uneasy silence. “How could you do that to my baby girl? How could you hurt her so terribly? She trusted you! She loved you!” Sonomi turned on the younger woman, her dark blue eyes looking like the sky before a terrifying storm hits. “My little girl gave you everything and you disregarded her as nothing more than a plaything that you had grown tired of! She sacrificed her happiness for you, but even that wasn’t good enough! You couldn’t even thank her for that!” The business woman was now shaking with fury, hatred boiling up at this spawn of Fujitaka. The man had managed to ruin her life and now his daughter was having a delightful time ruining the life of her own child. “Get the hell out of my house, Sakura. And if I ever see you again...” She balled up her fists, her whole body shaking. Her soul felt scalded by the rage boiling over inside of her. “You stay away from my daughter!” Part of her cried out in pain, in regret for saying such things to the girl her daughter loved, to the child of her own love, to this sweet and naďve girl. But her anger had finally gotten the best of her. She could no longer sit by while Sakura slowly killed her daughter. She wasn't about to let the Cardmistress hurt her darling Tomoyo any longer. It no longer mattered to her that Sakura was Nadeshiko’s daughter or that Tomoyo wanted her to be happy. “Tomoyo-chan always wanted you to be happy, but what about her happiness? She suffered and strived so that you would be happy, Sakura, and what did you do? Nothing. You never thanked her. You never tried to return the favor. It was as if you simply expected it of her. She devoted herself to you, but you gave her nothing in return. You never once concerned yourself with her happiness. You’re selfish, Sakura-chan. You went off to live your happy life without a look back to see if Tomoyo was equally happy, if your best friend was also living a happy life. Tomoyo-chan needed you and you abandoned her. You failed her. She always thought you would come back and save her, but you never did. And I hate you for that.” Her voice was laced with venom, tears falling unnoticed down her cheeks. Sonomi was crying, but it hardly concerned her. “You destroyed her just as surely as your father destroyed me all those years ago. I never wanted Tomoyo-chan to live through what I have. I never wanted her to feel the pain of losing the only one she could ever love. But you dashed my baby girl’s hopes and dreams right in front of me. And I did nothing. I let you hurt her because I thought that it was just like my love for Nadeshiko, that it was the way things were. But you’re just like your father. You smile, happy in what you have, but you disregard the pain you bring to others, ignoring what you have taken from them. Whether it be my dearest Nadeshiko or Tomoyo-chan’s loving heart, it doesn’t matter. You have what you want, so why should you care that you hurt others through your ignorance? You can smile blissfully while Tomoyo-chan cries herself to sleep. I will never forgive you for that.” Sakura was dumbstruck, caught completely off guard by Sonomi’s sudden outburst. Her mouth opened and closed as words escaped her. Tears began to trickle down her cheeks at Tomoyo’s mother’s words. The look that Sonomi was giving Sakura broke her heart. This woman had always looked at her with such love and kindness. But now, that warmth was completely missing, replaced instead by a burning anger that seared Sakura in her seat. Sonomi’s words played over and over again in her head, a haunting chorus of guilt and anger as Sakura realized her own voice was mixed into the painful truths. “I.. I didn’t mean to..” Sakura got out weakly. Getting out of her seat, Sonomi brushed back some dark hair from her eyes with the same irritated presence of mind one might use to crush a fly. Sakura’s tears, something that would at one time have brought a deep and motherly sympathy from her, now only managed to fuel the rage inside her battered and broken heart. “My baby girl has suffered through hardships unnumbered for you. She has sailed a sea of loneliness all by herself simply because she wanted to for her princess. You don’t deserve all that she’s given you. You’re a pathetic excuse for a friend. And if you don’t get out of my home, Sakura-chan, I swear I’ll make you regret ever meeting my daughter.” Her voice was low and menacing and it was with a measure of satisfaction that she noted Sakura tremble. All the years of pent up frustration, anger, and pain finally seemed to find a single focal point. Nadeshiko had left her all those years ago for a man that had taken everything from a younger Sonomi. But there had been nothing she could do. She had only been able to run away. Run away and try to mend her own broken heart. Part of that had been having a daughter of her own. But she had been forced to watch her daughter also lose the one she loved. It had all been maddening to Sonomi, a woman who generally liked to take action. Now she finally had the object of her current frustration, the person who had caused such terrible anguish in her daughter’s heart. It wasn’t Fujitaka, but it sure was a good enough second. All of her righteous fury was brought to bear upon the Cardmistress and Sakura found her defenses against Sonomi severely lacking. Shaking her head, Sakura tried to swallow back her tears, her fists balling at her sides as she tried to get a grip on the situation. She couldn’t go now. If she left, then how could she ever tell Tomoyo before she left? How could she finally fix things? How could she make amends for her terrible mistake? “Sonomi-sama... Please, don’t... I need to see Tomoyo-chan,” she pleaded desperately, getting to her feet as well. She was less than an inch smaller than Sonomi, no longer the little girl she once was. Yet even then, Sonomi still towered over her, the pillar of strength that she had always been in Sakura’s eyes. Part of her felt sick at a sudden realization. Tomoyo had always said that Sakura would protect her, but now that wasn’t the case. Tomoyo’s mother had come to her rescue, and she had come to protect her from any more pain that Sakura could deliver. This role reversal didn’t sit well at all with the Cardmistress. She wanted to be the one protecting Tomoyo’s precious heart, not the one it was being protected from. With a swift motion of her head, Sonomi cut Sakura’s request short. “I’m not about to let you go hurt her anymore than you already have, Kinomoto-san. Now if you’ll excuse me, I had some work I must attend to. Good day.” Turning curtly on her heel, Sonomi took a few steps towards the entrance to the room. She decided to give Sakura several minutes to leave before she had one of her bodyguards escort the younger woman off the premises. Her heart regretted having to be so cold to Sakura, but deep down she felt immense relief to finally be able to affect the situation. She wasn’t idly sitting by while her daughter crumpled in front of her. She would make this up to Tomoyo. Somehow. She would piece her daughter back together, piece by piece if need be. Her baby girl would be happy again one day. And if she had anything to say about it, Sakura would never again be able to pain her daughter anymore. “Sonomi-sama!” Sakura yelled out, stumbling a few feet towards the business woman. Her heart felt as if it had been torn out and left to bleed on the floor. Tears dripped down her chin to the floor below, some falling down to Sakura’s shaking hands. Despite the severity of Sonomi’s words, Sakura couldn’t argue with the conviction behind them. Deep down, she realized that they were right, that she had slighted her best friend horrifically over the years. Tomoyo had suffered immeasurably in her wake. She couldn’t blame Sonomi at all. The woman was just trying to protect her precious daughter. Moreover, she was correct. That realization sent Sakura reeling. She had suspected for some time that she had hurt Tomoyo, that her ignorance had pained her best friend. Ever since discovering her love for the pale girl, that thought had gained strength. But never before had she seen such furious intensity, such a glimpse into the pain that she had unwittingly caused. And it was frightening. Not in her darkest nightmares had she suspected that she could have done such damage. The pure, unadulterated joy that had coated Sakura’s heart such a short time before was now replaced with a deeply disturbing sorrow that encompassed her soul. If she had broken her poor best friend then she simply couldn’t leave. There had to be some way that she could fix the damage she had done. She had to at least try to make up for what she had done. If she left... “I can’t leave, Sonomi-sama... I have to apologize to Tomoyo-chan..” Turning back to face the younger woman, Sonomi’s face held a mixture of hatred and pity for the brunette. She could hear the anguish in Sakura’s voice, the pain that now gripped the Cardmistress. But Sonomi couldn’t leave it that easily. She was quick to anger and slow to forgive. Especially when it came to the few that she allowed herself to love so completely. Her daughter and Nadeshiko were the only women she allowed such a high place in her heart. She had seen firsthand the pain Sakura had caused her only child and no amount of apology could ever make up for that. “Get out, Kinomoto. I never want to see you again,” she said coldly, her finger pointing to the door. Sakura’s head drooped on her shoulders, sniffles coming up from the crying brunette. She had caused everyone such trouble by her naivette. Syaoran through their failed marriage, Sonomi by forcing her to relive her own pain, and most of all, Tomoyo for taking her for granted for all these years. All because she had failed to find the love in her heart so many years ago. She had left a trail of bad feelings and broken hearts in her wake. But there had to be some way that she could make it all better. That she could somehow make things all right. “I didn’t mean to...” Sakura sobbed weakly. ‘If you cry, you won’t be able to solve anything,’ a voice whispered in Sakura’s heart. ‘Sakura shouldn’t look so sad. That just makes me sad,’ another voice added. Sakura blinked through her tears, her vision slowly clarifying as she looked up to Sonomi. “I never wanted to hurt Tomoyo-chan. She’s the last person I ever wanted to hurt. I’m so, so sorry, Sonomi-sama... I never wanted to hurt Tomoyo-chan. I love her... I just want to make her happy...” she got out weakly. Sonomi froze at Sakura’s words, her arm falling slowly to her side. Those words that she had long ago wished to hear from a woman named Nadeshiko played through her mind amidst Sakura’s sobs. ‘I love her,’ the younger woman had said. There had been genuine regret in her voice, along with something else. Something that Sonomi knew full too well. The unrequited love from the depths of one’s heart. The business woman’s cold glare softened and finally melted away altogether as she watched the crying form of her own love’s daughter. Standing there, her fists clenched and head bowed, she looked like the child that Sonomi remembered so vividly. The girl that had captured her own daughter’s heart so many years ago. It was with some surprise that Sonomi realized Sakura wasn’t here for a simple apology or to take anything else from her daughter. She was here to give of herself. The brunette may not be able to fix the damage she had caused, but that didn’t matter. She had come to offer of herself for the sake of the future, not for the ruins of the past. Tears fell quietly to the floor as Sakura choked back her sobs, her athletic body shaking with each attempt. How could she have been so careless with the greatest gift she had ever received? Tomoyo had given so much to her, but she had taken such a wonderful gift for granted. She had ignored her darling friend and now she deserved Sonomi’s anger. She deserved far worse than that. How could Tomoyo accept her heart after what she had done? A hand on her shoulder slowly drew Sakura’s attention. Was it a maid or a bodyguard to lead her away? A hand on her chin rose her tear streaked eyes slowly until she met Sonomi’s dark blue orbs. The older woman smiled gently at her, soothingly. With a small hiccup as she suppressed another sob, Sakura through herself into the older woman’s arms. Sonomi held onto her like her own mother had an almost forgotten amount of time before. Sakura’s heart felt some of the pain flutter away, though some of it continued to cling deep inside of her. The knowledge of just how badly she had hurt Tomoyo refused to give up the refuge of her heart. But at least Sonomi wasn’t angry with her anymore. Maybe there was still hope that she could make things all right after all. Standing with the younger brunette in her arms, Sonomi let her own eyes fall closed. “You’re not like your father. I was wrong. You’re like Nadeshiko. You didn’t see the love your friend held for you and didn’t realize what it would do. But you’re also like me, Sakura- chan. You follow your impulses. You act on instinct. And sometimes that hurts people. Neither of us give it enough time to really think things through before we jump into action. We can only hope that it’s not too late to fix our mistakes.” Standing at arms length, the business woman smiled softly. “So I want to apologize. You’re a sweet girl, Sakura-chan. And I’m sorry for letting myself forget that.” Sonomi had mixed feelings about admitting to herself that Nadeshiko herself had hurt her, that it hadn’t simply been Sakura’s father that had caused her such pain, but she was glad to see that perhaps all wasn’t lost with Nadeshiko’s daughter. She realized that she must have known more how Tomoyo felt than she had realized. Sakura had hurt Tomoyo in the same way that Nadeshiko had hurt her, through ignorance and naivette. But Sonomi had never allowed herself to see any of the pain Nadeshiko had caused her, unable to place any such blame on her sweet and kind cousin. Just as Tomoyo could never blame Sakura for the pain in her heart. Had that been part of the frustration in Sonomi’s heart at watching Sakura so blatantly hurting her daughter? It didn’t matter. Even in death, Sonomi could never quit loving Nadeshiko. Something so trivial may explain a few things, but it didn’t affect her feelings in the least. It only served to make the business woman even more lonely for her cousin’s presence. But if she couldn’t be reunited with her darling Nadeshiko at the moment, at least she could help bring their daughters together. “I was a bit hasty about you leaving. I couldn’t let you go without seeing Tomoyo-chan. She should be in her room right now.” Nodding eagerly, Sakura wiped away the last remnants of tears from her eyes. “H..Hai!!” she said quickly, smiling at the head of the Daidouji household. Her heart began to pound again as she followed behind the older woman. She once again realized just how close she was to seeing Tomoyo again, to being once again in her best friend’s presence. It was a delightful feeling, but it was agonizing at the same time. Would Tomoyo even be happy to see her? Would she accept her heart when she offered it up? Sakura almost felt dizzy at the possibilities as Sonomi led her upstairs. “Tomoyo-chan? You have a visitor,” Sonomi said cheerfully from the doorway. She waited a moment, expecting a response from her introverted daughter. When none came, she frowned and knocked on the door. Perhaps Tomoyo had fallen asleep watching one of her videos again. But as no answer seemed forthcoming, Sonomi began to worry that that wasn’t the case. Her naturally protective instincts finally got the best of her and she pushed the door open, hurrying inside her daughter’s room. Sakura followed right behind her. The business woman’s stormy eyes darted across the room for any sign of her pale daughter, but the dark haired girl seemed to have gone missing. Her eyes settled on Tomoyo’s bags for a second, but the items were still there, half packed. Tomoyo hadn’t been scheduled to leave for another few days at the least. Sonomi’s eyes frantically scanned the large room for any sign of her child. Pictures of Sakura adorned the room like a religious shrine, the occupant having grown only more obsessive in recent years. That didn’t particularly surprise Sonomi, as she had seen Tomoyo’s room often enough over the years to know just how much of it was dedicated to the brunette. Something on Tomoyo’s desk finally caught the worried mother’s eye and she hurried over, Sakura just steps behind. “Oh God...” Sonomi got out weakly. Her knees felt like they were about to collapse, the blood slowly draining from her body. On Tomoyo’s desk lay a bloody shard of glass, dried blood covering the wood finish of the desk. Nearby rested a crumpled costume design. Sonomi’s heart felt like it had stopped with all the suddenness of an explosion. Her mind raced back to just several days earlier, to her daughter’s carefully bandaged hand. Her head shook slowly in shock as she picked up the shard of glass. “No, Tomoyo-chan...” ‘I want you to see a doctor about that,’ her own voice rang in her ears. And Tomoyo had agreed, but she had looked so... different. As if a part of her had been missing. Or killed. Sonomi continued to shake her head, holding the blood stained shard of glass to her chest. “Tomoyo-chan...” Her heart felt like the glass shard had been wedged inside of it. Not now. Not when Sakura had finally come to rescue her baby. She couldn’t be too late to rescue her child. But all of the signs were pointing to that. Images of her broken child plagued Sonomi’s mind like a horrific vision of the future. Her sweet, darling child lying broken and lifeless on the floor. What made it all the worse was that Sonomi could remember her own failed suicide attempt from years earlier. How close had she herself come to dying back then? And Tomoyo was a much more meticulous planner than she herself had been. If Tomoyo intended to go through with it, she would very well go through with it. Tomoyo had been the only thing that had made Sonomi’s life worth living for so many years. The idea of losing her only child in such a violent fashion froze her heart. Her mind tried desperately to locate her child, but nothing came to mind. She was blank. Sakura looked from the distraught Sonomi to the desk and back. Her fingers traced slowly over the blood stains on Tomoyo’s desk, her heart pounding desperately in her chest. Part of her didn’t want to admit that anything was wrong, the idea of Tomoyo disappearing completely from her life seeming as absurd as a life without water or air. Her trembling fingers grappled around the crumpled costume design when her eyes caught sight of Tomoyo’s handwriting on the back. She quickly smoothed out the piece of paper on top of the bloodstained desk, her mind frantically searching for any clues to her friend’s sudden disappearance. Suddenly Tomoyo’s aversion to meeting her last night began to make sense. She hadn’t intended on ever seeing Sakura again. She had played her final part the night before, pretending to be her happy and pleasant best friend one last time. Sakura silently cursed herself for not having seen through Tomoyo’s cracks, to seeing the lost and lonely little girl underneath. ‘Dear Sakura-chan, As I sit here writing this, I see your beautiful face in my mind’s eye, your sweet smile sending ripples throughout the stormy ocean of my soul. I know that you may hate me for this, and though I could hardly bear the thought of you ever hating me, I know that I must go through with this. I’m not sure if I can explain why, but it doesn’t really matter. Please know that you have always been the most treasured thing in my life. I would never wish to hurt you. That’s why I have to say goodbye.’ Swallowing painfully, Sakura forced her way through the rest of this unsent letter, forcing back tears as she tried to make out Tomoyo’s beautiful strokes. Every word struck her with deadly precision, every revelation shaking the beliefs she had once held in her heart. But despite the truths they revealed, Sakura could find no comfort in them. They only seemed to add up to a desperate and frantic Tomoyo who was determined to escape Sakura’s life for Sakura’s sake and her own. That Tomoyo had been so hell bent on Sakura’s happiness even to the bitter end both astonished and frightened Sakura. It seemed that Tomoyo was always proving just how deep her love ran. Halfway through the letter, Sakura read and reread through the dark haired girl’s confessions in a near delirious frenzy. “She loves me...” Sakura whispered, her eyes skimming the passage again. “She loves me. That’s why she left. She left... for me..” She shook her head, as if unable to comprehend the logic behind such an action. But in Tomoyo’s eccentric way, it made perfect sense. Tomoyo had left to save Sakura’s marriage, to protect Sakura’s new life. She had no way of knowing that Sakura had thrown it all away for her, had perhaps left to keep that from happening. The brunette felt a chill run up and down her spine. Because she had been too late, she may have lost Tomoyo forever. In a final desperate attempt to save everything, Tomoyo had left after Sakura’s phone call the night before. Where she was now, Sakura couldn’t hope to guess. She had been too late to rescue her princess after all. She had failed Tomoyo. Tears stung her eyes like liquid fire, her body begging her to collapse as the strength drained away from her. “Everything will always be all right,” Sakura whispered to herself. Sonomi turned to look at her in confusion, but Sakura stood up as strength rushed in to fill the vacuum. With a thought, brilliant blue wings unfurled from Sakura’s back, nearly sending Sonomi sprawling. There had to be time. Sakura could still find Tomoyo. She could still put things right. She had to. This was her final test, the test of her heart. Tomoyo believed in her. She believed that Sakura would come and save her. Sakura couldn’t disappoint her. She couldn’t fail Tomoyo. “I love her,” Sakura whispered determinedly, her long wings spreading behind her. Sonomi watched in awe as an angelic Sakura darted out the window, glass shards glinting in the early morning light like shooting stars. “Sakura-chan...” Sonomi watched as Sakura flew away, as angelic as she had always imagined Nadeshiko’s angel. “Find her, Sakura-chan. Find my baby girl before it’s too late. Please help her be on time, Nadeshiko-chan,” Sonomi pleaded as she clutched onto the blood sullied piece of glass that warned of a tragic fate for her daughter. Exhausted, the business woman collapsed to her knees, praying desperately that her daughter wouldn’t be joining the woman she loved so soon.